Building Intimacy In Marriage

Have you ever wondered why you begin to feel overwhelmed and tired of a relationship that was once ELECTRIFYING?

Why is it that most couples  experience a decline in love and affection with someone they once called a SOUL MATES?

This is because most couples think *SEX* is the most important aspect of marriage . 

But NO, it isn't.

INTIMACY is the *GLUE* of all relationships.

As started above, INTIMACY is the degree of closeness and bond that exists between you and your partner.

Paying close attention to these words

 DEGREE 

 CLOSENESS OR BOND 

You will observe that the definition puts into account the *EXTENT* (DEGREE) of *INTIMACY* (BOND/CLOSENESS).

The word degree is a measure of *how much* of deliberate effort has been put in place to ensure that the marriage is healthy and safe.

This can only be achieved through conscious attempt to ensure things work for both of you in the marriage .

 Most importantly, having the fear of Allah in all you do will naturally guide your daily engagements with your spouse.

*HOW CAN YOU FOSTER THE BOND (INTIMACY) IN YOUR MARRIAGE?*

Couples that create time to understand the types of intimacy have been able to strengthen the *CLOSENESS* in their marriages.

I am deliberately using these words interchangeably:

INTIMACY BOND CLOSENESS

Basically there are five types of *INTIMACIES* as stated above.

These are forms of *INTIMACIES* we have practices consciously or otherwise.

However, a lot of couples are use to the *PHYSICAL INTIMACY* and that is why when Job expectations, extended family issues, family responsibilities etc begins to set in, couples find it difficult to meet up with the *PHYSICAL INTIMACY* especially sex.

Let's begin to look at these intimacies one after the other.

We all have different needs when it comes to *PHYSICAL INTIMACY* , and you can ask your partner about their needs if you need more clarification.

 *PHYSICAL INTIMACY* can change over time – the most important piece is keeping open *COMMUNICATION* to ensure you both get your needs met.

Emotional intimacy is perceived as the the *“GLUE”* of any relationship.

*EMOTIONAL INTIMACY* is knowing all your spouse's feelings, hopes, dreams, vulnerabilities, fears, motivations, and desires. It’s gaining a better sense of what drives, interests or moves your spouse.

*Mutual respect* allows you to connect and discuss topics *together* beyond your usual day-to-day rapport, even when your opinions *differ*.

You can practice intellectual intimacy by watching a cerebral film *together*, reading poetry etc. *INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY* doesn’t have to be complex or deeply political – it’s about observing your differences and finding ways to connect.

Spirituality isn’t always about religion, although religious beliefs and practices can be part of one’s spirituality.

Spiritual intimacy in marriage is more than reading the Quran or Bible. It's learning how to connect with your spouse through your faith.

Hence, making the commandments your guide will help provide a point of agreement for both parties.

This isn't about your opinion or your spouse's opinion but a common grounds for both of you.

What kinds of things do you do together? Do you share quality time having fun?

*BUILDING INTIMACY CONCLUSION* 

Intimacy doesn’t happen overnight: it is a closeness built over time by the experiences and interactions that two people share.

Simply being near someone or sharing day-to-day interactions doesn’t translate to deep or even healthy intimacy – the *QUALITY* of your experiences is particularly important.

Intimacy is about *consistency*, and if barriers to intimacy persist over time, we can feel a bit conflicted about our connection to our partner.

Taskmaster of the week: Mr. Abdulsalam

Presented on Blissful Hearts WhatsApp Group

August 19th, 2023